Spiritual Abuse

[Juan and Yenan]

By Rev. Yenan Y. Perez, PhD
Christian Clinical Counselor

They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. (Ephesians 4:18-19)
More than 1,900 years ago, the Apostle Paul was dealing with the manifestation of the sinful human nature in the church. Today, we continue dealing with the same problems in the church and in society alike. Control and Power are the face of deception in the world, society, church and family, which manifests as: physical, sexual, psychological/emotional and spiritual violence/abuse.
Control and power are the basic needs of a darkened understanding and a hardened heart that is fed with a continual lust for more. Abusers are followers of the ways of the world (control and power) and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is at work in those who are disobedient (Ephesians 2:2). Thus, they manifest behaviors, which manifest as the fruits of the flesh.
The acts of the fallen and sinful nature are obvious:
Sexual immorality, impurity and wickedness
Idolatry and witchcrafts
Hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy
Drunkenness, orgies, and the like.
“I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21).
For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God. (John 3:20-21)
Spiritual Abuse
The sinful nature, through a person that abuses power and control manifests as spiritual abuse. David Henke defines spiritual abuse as “the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times, it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means.” Spiritual abusers are “religious, legalistic, controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian” and sometimes they can be your father, husband, or pastor.
Spiritual abuse has devastating effects in any trustful relationship. When a very high level of trust is required and this trust is violated there is always spiritual abuse. Usually, spiritual leaders do place the leadership or “head of the family” over the father or a male caretaker. In a spiritual abusive family, it is, and ought to be, that the child, adolescent and wife honors and respect the authority with high levels of trust involved at the expense of them. “When such trust is violated, the wound is very deep. Sometimes the wound is so deep that the wounded person cannot trust even a legitimate spiritual authority again” (ibid.).
In addition, disillusionment with, the spiritual image of the caretaker, and/or male partner which abuses in the name of God, will develop in the victim an unhealthy fear, anger and alienation towards God, making it difficult for the spiritually abused person to trust.